People my age are supposed to go out to clubs and pubs and have a good time, right?
People my age are supposed to have a multitude of friends and be able to make new ones, right?
People my age are supposed to have a life, right?
Right!
But I don't.
I seem to have a self-destructing streak doubled with my inability to clearly articulate my thoughts and feelings through the process of speech. I may be able to string a sentence together when I write things down, but when it comes to speaking about myself, and my thoughts the words fail me. For example, I have been to two nightclubs since I turned of legal age. They were both for my close friends birthdays and through a sense of moral obligation I agreed to go and I did. Now I'm not saying that it was an awful experience, but as
a copious drinker and a very, very reserved individual I had a horrible time. I saw my friends having a good laugh and being able to integrate themselves in a way that I could only dream of doing.
Whenever someone asks me to go on a night out, I find myself having a minor anxiety attack and I get extremely nervous. I would love to go, I know deep down that I will regret missing the opportunity in later life, but my body and mind fight this and I end up declining the offer. It also doesn't help that large crowds and loud noises (I know as a trumpet player that that is insane) make me emotionally unstable.
That is why I have decided to do something about my crippling (in a social sense) situation. After my exams which finish next Friday, I am going to go to a pub and build my tolerance for the night-life up one week at a time, so that when my friends say "going out tonight?", I will be able to give an honest answer and not one based on fear and intimidation.
This will also, hopefully, enhance the chances I have to find myself a boyfriend, because I feel unutterably alone.
AEx
People my age are supposed to have a multitude of friends and be able to make new ones, right?
People my age are supposed to have a life, right?
Right!
But I don't.
I seem to have a self-destructing streak doubled with my inability to clearly articulate my thoughts and feelings through the process of speech. I may be able to string a sentence together when I write things down, but when it comes to speaking about myself, and my thoughts the words fail me. For example, I have been to two nightclubs since I turned of legal age. They were both for my close friends birthdays and through a sense of moral obligation I agreed to go and I did. Now I'm not saying that it was an awful experience, but as
a copious drinker and a very, very reserved individual I had a horrible time. I saw my friends having a good laugh and being able to integrate themselves in a way that I could only dream of doing.
Whenever someone asks me to go on a night out, I find myself having a minor anxiety attack and I get extremely nervous. I would love to go, I know deep down that I will regret missing the opportunity in later life, but my body and mind fight this and I end up declining the offer. It also doesn't help that large crowds and loud noises (I know as a trumpet player that that is insane) make me emotionally unstable.
That is why I have decided to do something about my crippling (in a social sense) situation. After my exams which finish next Friday, I am going to go to a pub and build my tolerance for the night-life up one week at a time, so that when my friends say "going out tonight?", I will be able to give an honest answer and not one based on fear and intimidation.
This will also, hopefully, enhance the chances I have to find myself a boyfriend, because I feel unutterably alone.
AEx
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